you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
