he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
