Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
