Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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