Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
