You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
