fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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