ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My cat gives me a boner
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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