Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
