Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
