Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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