Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
