who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
