Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
