just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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