I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
