I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
