drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
