So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
