He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
