he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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