we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
