Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
