Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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