Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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