dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
