careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
