just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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