Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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