I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
