She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
