When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
