doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
