Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
