Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
