she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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