I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
