he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
