I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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