people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
