I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
