So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
