I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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