I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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