i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
