you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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