im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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