She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
