just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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