my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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