I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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