ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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