You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
