I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
