i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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