we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
