Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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